Beyond the lust of pain
by DieRavenMaiden
Summary: There's something beyond the lust, and Gojyo knows it, but will Hakkai ever find out? Sanzo and Goku are still struggling, and the only thing that survives is pain. Death and love come hand in hand.Yaoi. Slash warning. GojyoxHakkaimain SanzoxGoku
1. Prologue

Prologue

By RedEyedRavenWolf

Warning: Contains hardcore Yaoi in later chapters, fluff earlier on, and 4 very hot sex gods. Oh yes, also hardcore angst and really screwed up emotional crap later on.

Disclaimer: If I owned Saiyuki - a. I wouldn't be writing a FANfic, b.I wouldn't be poor, c.I would be the happiest suicidal person in the world.

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Another day, another demon. Or so was the motto of Sha Gojyo. Another one of his mottos, well, more like rules, was to not entertain guy requiests. So far, it had been working. Still, there aren't enough ways to count how it was getting harder and harde with every single moment that passed.

The days seemed longer now- now that torment and longing brought each morning to a stuttering near halt, slugging by painfully, inching by like a school day for a well educated scholarhaving to take freshman year again.The worst part being thatthe cause of it was always right in front of him.

Yes, but it was more than lust.

No, that idea had been pushed aside after the first year of emotions had swept through, settling themselves deep into the heart. True, nobody could deny that he was a pervert, but it had begun to dwindle down, although the need for another body never went away, the only thing he wanted anymore wasn't a woman.

The object of Gojyo's desire wasn't even aware of his feelings. The object of Gojyo's now full blossomed love, was sitting before him now, driving a jeep-turned-dragon west.

Cho Hakkai had struck a cord ever since he had looked into the eyes of this half breed, this outcast. Every day that they spent together brought them closer, brought them deeper, until had they gone any farther they would have been more than friends. It was one sided now, and it would continue that way until either the pain had left Hakkai's heart (when hell froze over), Gojyo had the guts to tell Hakkai without trembling for fear of losing him ( the apocalypse), or some strange twist of fate told Hakkai to see the only thing that he couldn't already.

Neither one could see that this strange twist of fate was going to tackle them down to earth so soon.

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PLEASE review! Advice, flaming, constructive criticism, compliments, and money are all very welcome. 


	2. Unavoidable Death

This chappy is based mainly on Goku and a little Sanzo, but not fluff or anything. Very... straight forward and raw, which most people tend to find... depressing. I must get at least 3 comments if anyone wants me to continue this story, it's been up for a week with only one comment, and it wasn't exactly a fan of my work! ;

Goku awoke with a start, gasping for air that had already been breathed, choking on saliva that had risen as he had done so.

"I told you that that chocolate was going to give you nightmares." Sanzo's voice had startled Goku again abruptly, but not because he was surprised that Sanzo was there, it was because Sanzo sounded amused. Turning his head to face him, Goku tilted his head ever so slightly, analyzing Sanzo as if he were a fuzzy little bunny.

"Morning," he finally decided to say, not figuring out any other reaction to give.

"We're leaving; they don't have breakfast here due to the drought."

As Goku frowned and opened his mouth to whine, he was cut off. "We have some food in the pack so hurry up and get dressed." Goku only nodded, although his face was screwed up in thought, puzzling over Sanzo's kindness.

More moronic demons halfway through the day, more pointless battle following them, and the typical defeat afterwards. The monotony of it all bored the four occupants of the Jeep even reflecting on it afterwards- but none of them realized that the monotony was just a lucky streak that was about to be abruptly put to an end.

Yet another demon stood before Hakryuu, poised and ready for fight, but he was all by himself, which was odd because even a four year old would have realized that there was no way in hell that he could beat them. Another cliché line "prepare to die Sanzo!" was fired, and another demon lunged towards them. Expectantly the 4 misfits jumped out of the jeep (which immediately took his natural form). Surrounding the single demon within seconds. Suddenly the youkai grinned evily.

"Do you honestly think that I'm that stupid?" He sneered.

"That's our line!" Gojyo glared with eyes of fire.

"You see" the demon continued, basically ignoring Gojyo. "I'm not going to kill you" He looked at Goku, smiling. "He is" and with that the demon pounced, ripping off Goku's limiter before being shot by Sanzo.

No body had time to think in the split instant that happened, particularly not Goku. Perhaps a second had gone by, and then Goku found himself unwillingly lunging himself forward, directly at Sanzo's heart. If something didn't happen NOW than he was going to kill Sanzo, and everyone else was in too much shock to move.

In that moment he cried inside, begging that he not do this. A voice resounded in his mind. _You have a choice, Son Goku_. And, feeling control of his claws now for only this brief instant, he dug them deep into his own heart and landed, still on his feet, scarcely inches away from Sanzo.

Ripping the claws out of his chest, he stared at his own blood, shining in the rays of the noon sun, trapped somewhere between Seiten Tensai and Son Goku .

Laughter, pulled out of the pit of the stomach; hard, sickening laughter with not even the tiniest air of humor coming form it. Cruel Laughter, the kind that made you want to curl up into a ball in the corner of the closet and cry. His laughter. And it rang and rang, leaving behind only a morbid bitter emptiness, as if it had somehow sucked the very energy out of the air.

A shiver. A hand was clasped over a mouth to stop the oncoming scream of sudden anguish. And then- everything was dark. Falling, falling forever it seemed. Light again, but not a pinpoint at the end of the tunnel. Sudden bright light, blinding, shining everywhere, to the ends of the world.

_Could you hold it?_ was the quick thought that passed, as Goku tried to reach out and touch it. The sense was wonderful, and it smelled, what did it smell like? But suddenly the light dimmed and reality was here again. "Goku…?"

Sanzo's voice seemed like it was an echo from really, really far away; and even as Goku struggled to stay conscious, struggled to cling on to that voice, it only faded faster until once again there was only the black abyss.

It seemed like an eternity later, Goku finally came to- but suddenly he felt light, like he could float. And that's exactly what he did. Suddenly his body was below him, and Sanzo and the others were gathered around it. Goku suddenly became rigid- what if---? No, it couldn't be…

"Don't die on me you damn monkey!" choked Gojyo, his fear transparent through his tears.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai had his hand on Gojyo's shoulder, but it was apparent that he was strained, just as distressed. Gojyo stood up suddenly, running until he was out of sight. Hakkai sighed and opened his mouth to say something when he noticed Sanzo.

Sanzos eyes had glazed over, and he was just staring at Goku's limp body. Goku's spirit (or rather, soul) drifted towards Sanzo, and Goku reached out to touch Sanzo, when he saw a tear slip away from the monks worn face.

_There's no way… I couldn't have…_"Sanzo? Sanzo? SANZO!"

But Sanzo heard nothing. The only thing that Sanzo could hear was this consistent buzzing in his ear. The sound of silence.

Sanzo, seeming to forget that there was even anything else in the world, took the boy's limp body into his arms, smoothing out the disheveled locks that were Goku's hair and pressing him tight to his chest. The look on his face was blank.

Had you not known what had happened, it would have looked like Sanzo was caressing the child, comforting him.

But dead bodies don't need comforting, and you don't run to be caressed when you're covered in your own blood.

"Sanzo?" Goku's spirit sat beside Sanzo's tense body, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "Sanzo…" a tender smile caressed his golden features. " I love you. I never got a chance to tell you. I was afraid… but I shouldn't have been… and… now it's too late… I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry…"

Sanzo looked up, his blank gaze flickering a second, and then landing directly on him.

You will review hypnotizes you to click


	3. An irratating waste

I thought that I had already posted this chapter last week, but then when I went to go post a new story, I noticed that it wasn't there! Sorry guys! Well, here it is now (Sweatdrop)

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Golden eyes flew open, a scream accompanying the wildly dilated beauties, unrelenting, (and seemingly) unsurpassing.

smack "What the hell are you screaming at baka saru? Are you trying to wake the dead with that loud aggravating voice of yours?" _Wake the dead?_

Goku looked down, his body whole and intact. There was no blood, and his limiter was sitting firmly in place, if not a little tight. His nails were short and dirty, and his body was atop a rather comfortable and clean bed. "But, Sanzo… you're… _I'm_ dead!"

Sanzo raised an eyebrow but said nothing. A Marlboros red rose to his lips and silence prevailed for a moment. There was a sort of look of comfort in his eyes, which was cut short by his words. "If you were dead you wouldn't be annoying the fuck out of me. Go back to bed." Sanzo stood up and glided out the door, closing the door none too gently behind him.

Hakkai had been just barely to the door when Sanzo came out. "Is he---"

"He's fine."

A groggy Gojyo opened his door, a weary, sleepy expression glued to his face and his body leaned against the door frame.

"What the fuck?" He muttered inaudibly.

"Go to sleep." Ordered Sanzo, annoyed that everyone was now awake at this most god-forsaken hour. Goku had come out of his room as well, staring at the get together outside of his room. "All of you."

And with that the monk walked perhaps five feet, turned to his room, and entered it with a final glare to the rest of his team.

Goku stared after him sadly, an obvious look of sorrow setting into his face. He cringed when he heard Sanzo's door slam, and wordlessly closed the door behind him, sliding down against the backside of it and staring into the nothingness across his room.

"What---?" Gojyo looked up with the most confused expression Hakkai had ever seen.

"Just a dream" Hakkai explained in three simple words. _Just a dream._ Gojyo wished that what _he_ felt was just a dream, that or another three words had come from Hakkai's tempting lips. "We'd best be getting to bed Gojyo." Gojyo nodded, fully awake now that the odd wave of emotions and door slamming was over. He walked into his room, not bothering with the door, and sat down on his bed, gazing uncaringly out the window. He lit a Hi-Light and sighed, inhaling what should have been calm. This was not calm. _He_ was not calm.

In his room, Hakkai shifted his back on the bed board, something uneasy sitting within his stomach. An hour passed slowly,long and difficultlike churning butter.He just couldn't shake the feeling that he was about to lose something- no- some_one_ close to him- and soon. He got a flash back.

"_But people often have a sort of sixth sense about their loved ones right?"_

_"Hmn?" Gojyo cocked his head at Hakkai._

"_When they took Kanan, I had been playing with my students- I didn't feel a thing."_

But _now_ he was feeling something, and it was eating his stomach like Goku when he had a plate full of pork before him. Without thinking or even realizing what he was doing, he rushed into Gojyo's room, panting nearly, and searching wildly for him, to find Gojyo sitting casually on his bed, casually smoking a cigarette.

_What's with everyone today?_ Gojyo looked quizzically at Hakkai, who had a hand on either side of his doorway, eyes large and breathing heavy. Hakkai looked up at Gojyo, who said nothing.

_I must look ridiculous. What was I doing? A love---_ his thoughts were cut off. "Are you going to come in or stand there all night staring at me like I'm dead?" Gojyo gestured towards a chair across from him.

Wordlessly Hakkai took the seat. Hakkai's expression was now once again that endless smile, but he was shaking his head at himself, _laughing _at himself. When Gojyo gave him a questioning glance he found words coming that he hadn't even thought. "I just… had a bad feeling…" Gojyo merely shrugged. "I…" but the word faltered, and Hakkai could say no more. Cherry red spread like wildfire across his face.

Embarrassed, Hakkai left, not bringing himself to look at Gojyo as he did so. Gojyo watched him leave, confused as hell, and wanting to scream what the fuck was wrong with everyone, save maybe Sanzo, who always acted like that. Well, not like _that_, but like that. Gojyo turned his head towards the door, the image of Hakkai burned into his mind.

In Sanzo's room, a certain blonde monk was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette and making no sound or movement but to inhale and exhale slow, steady and controlled breaths.

The Inn was silent, and one by one each member of the Sanzo-ikkou drifted off once more into a slow, uneasy and awkward sleep.

!#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" !#$&():" ?

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I'm sorry this chappy is so crappy! hangs head I'm not even half way through yet, but I really needed this part in ordered to have the climax make sense, so PLEASE bare with me here! And thank you all of my reviewers, you're beautiful people! huggles everyone So the next part is coming soon, and it will be 3 or 4 times as long and at least 8 times better! I swear! ' But, it is amusing to see everyone so tense, ne? Oh yes, one last thing, Review, _review, _**review,** review**_, REVIEW!_**

_(innocent and cute kitten eyes bore into your soul)_

Please?


	4. Issues of the Heart Breaking of the Mind

Issues 

of the Heart, Breaking of the Mind

_By Me!_

-Please let me apologize to you all now, I am sooo soooooooo sorry! And I also don't own Saiyuki, which I forgot to mention last time-

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Morning. A typical, boring morning. Breakfast found everyone sitting in some degree of awkwardness, ending with Sanzo smacking everyone and asking what the (no, wait- _yelling_) fuck was going on. Of course, there was no response. Frustrated, Sanzo left almost irritated enough to shove the entire damned pack's worth of cigarettes into his scowling mouth and light them all at the same time. Unfortunately for him, there were no cigarettes left. 

With a not-too-quiet huff, Sanzo decided that the only way he was going to get any cigarettes was if he got them himself, and that's exactly what he did. Everyone else was still at the table wallowing in some degree of self pity, so no one bothered to accompany the irritated monk.

Hakkai suddenly snapped himself out of it, finally extinguishing his uneasy feeling by telling himself that he had simply been too tired to think properly. He smiled suddenly, startling Gojyo, who had been staring at him out of the corner of his eye. _What the hell is he . . . ?_ But shrugged it off exactly as Hakkai did, with the same thought that Hakkai had, even though they both knew that rational explanation couldn't stand up to their feelings for long.

Goku, on the other hand, was silently picking at his food, unable to get that dream from his mind- or at least not long enough to even lower the chopsticks and scoop up a dumpling, which in Goku's case would be just about as short as it gets. In fact, his golden glazed eyes didn't really even see the food. _I should have known that it was a dream- was I actually expecting him to be crying? Not to mention-_

Not to mention loving Sanzo had never _really _come across his mind.

The more he thought about it though, the more it made sense. How close they had gotten (even if most of the time it seemed one sided), how well they knew each other (although there wasn't much to know…), how right everything felt when they were together, and the undeniable lust that waged itself against Goku's body whenever thatasshole was near him, or even on his mind. Shit.

With a sigh, Goku decided that there really was nothing he could do about it until he thought about it more, and this was neither the time nor the place to do that. Looking up, he suddenly saw that half of the food was already gone, and Gojyo was reaching towards the last pork bun. "God damn it you red cockroach! You ate it all! You-"

"My, it looks like everyone's-" began Hakkai, but whatever the rest of his sentence was never heard, as Gojyo's shock wore off (due to the saru's sudden outburst) and he began yelling back at the boy, who really wasn't a bit as oblivious to Hakkai's stare as anyone watching would have thought.

"I don't see your name written on it! Besides that, look at who's holding it!"

"Why you son of a-!"

BAM

With a bullet hole appearing suddenly behind them, they looked up to see Sanzo in the door way, a cigarette from his new pack implanted firmly between his lips.

"We're leaving. _NOW_."

Seeing Sanzo's mood, they were all too ready to respond by whipping out the door without even a whine- or at least one that could be heard over the next few gunshots. That was it, heading west as always was just as dreary as always, and since the moment they had left the restaurant, nobody even bothered to touch the thoughts that had been bothering them.

Sanzo's thoughts were, like usual, bordered up in a fortress complete with a moat and barbed wire, so if it had even been possible to see them, there was no way in bloody hell that you would be able to move it. And so that was it- temporary normalcy held them again, and the tension was temporary held my rationality. How very like them.

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"Kougaiji-sama, where are you going?" Yaone looked towards Kougaiji, head slightly tilted in confusion. 

"There's… something I need to do. Please don't worry, just… I'll see you later." Yaone nodded, but an uneasy feeling crept over her and settled, unmoving. Yaone sighed and turned to search for Lirin- whom was undoubtedly getting into some form of mischief by now.

Dokugakuji came about 7 seconds after Kougaiji left, looking frantic and questioning Kougaiji's whereabouts. When Yaone told him that he had just left, his eyes grew large and Dokugaku left--- and fast. Yaone shifted slightly, attempting as best as she could to quell the oncoming torrent of panic that rose like bile in her throat. She unintentionally slammed open a door to discover cold emptiness where Lirin should have been.

"Are we looking for something?" A cold voice cooed through the loud speakers. _Ni Jianyi, _thought Yaone frantically.

"Where is lady Lirin?" She demanded in the calmest tone that she could muster.

"Oh yes, the little girl is here, being treated like the princess that she is." Yaone envisioned that pretentious bastard sitting by the intercom, smiling cruelly and holding that damned little stuffed rabbit. A scream broke out and echoed through the large empty hallway, making Yaone flinch.

"What are you doing to her!" She demanded, drawing on her spear.

"We both know that that wont do you any good dear, but-" there was a pause, in which Ni reveled in his own brilliant victory- the image of Yaone's face twisted in emotional agony. "Why don't you come and join her?" Trap doors flew open below Yaone and a last scream was sent through the castle as Yaone's world turned into blackness.

"Hey, food?" Goku was expecting to get cut off at hey, but all he got was a semi- irritated look from Sanzo- _after_ he had actually finished.

"We're still a few hours away from the next town Goku, please be patient." Goku sighed and looked to Hakkai through the rear view mirror, who was scarcely maintaining his own sanity through the usual smile. It had only been a couple of hours, but it was becoming apparent that without anyone to fight, or any distractions before them, the empty time was only making them think about what they didn't want to.

Hakkai slammed on the breaks, waking everyone from their thoughts and causing Goku to hit his head on Sanzo's seat. He opened his mouth to yell at Hakkai, but stopped when he saw why Hakkai had stopped.

Kougaiji was there, perched atop a tall grey rock with a look similar to boredom spread across his features. "Hey," he said as they all simply sat in the jeep staring at him.

"Hey! You pop outa' nowhere and all you have to say is hey!" Goku's irritations didn't bother Kougaiji at all, whose glazed eyes didn't waver away from them. Goku noticed that Kougaiji's eyes weren't so much glazed, they were watery. Concern coursed through Goku. True, circumstances may have made them enemies, but a strong respect and something rather similar to friendship had grown between all of them, hadn't it?

"I'm sorry." Kougaiji looked down now, not meeting any of the Sanzo-ikkou's eyes.

". . ." Sanzo raised an eyebrow but continued to say nothing. Kougaiji jumped off of his perch on the rock and landed before the jeep, an air of importance surrounding him.

"I must speak to all of you, and you really do need to listen." Goku's confusion was halted by the urgency in Kougaiji's voice. Surprising even more, was the fact that Sanzo was the first one out of the Jeep, who promptly walked perhaps four feet in front of Kougaiji and sat right there on the ground. Gojyo followed wordlessly, and then Hakkai. Shrugging, Goku got out as well, taking a seat across from Sanzo and poking at the ground.

"I want you to all know that I respect you, and even though we've been working towards opposite goals…" he broke off into silence, but they could all feel what he meant. "I…" his seriousness made Goku look up from the spot on the ground he had been playing with. "I want to end it." The words normally would have meant a fight, but now they meant self defeat. "I know that this… all of this… has been so useless. I just wanted to save her, and to protect them… but, it's over now. I know that." There was a silence.

So that was it then. Both sides were crumbling into themselves without lifting a single finger towards their opponent. "There is nothing left for me here." Goku was in shock. Give up hope? Give up his friends? His sister? They needed him, didn't they?

"Kougaiji, what happened? What the fuck's going on here?" But Kougaiji only smiled.

"Please kill her. I could not do it, but I know that you can; and if not... for your mission." The air stiffened. "I just… I just wish that I could have been… stronger."

Goku wanted to smack him, shake him and tell him to snap out of it; he wanted him to stop it- not do it. But he also understood, strangely, in some way that he didn't want to. Kougaiji had been strong in a hundred other ways, but not where he needed strength most. The pain and the loss were too much to bear, and there was nothing left to live for. He stood up slowly and looked at his enemies respectfully. "Thank you."

Nobody said anything as Kougaiji walked away. Silently, they all climbed into Jeep, unwilling to really do anything. Goku could feel hot tears burning behind his eyes, but he refused to let them go, refused to uncap the emotions.Kougaiji had lost the ones he loved, and the light of life had been extinguished like a candle in a hurricane; and he understood. For some stupid reason that he didn't understand, he understood this. And even though he didn't want to- he understood.

Shaking himself, Goku firmly kicked everyone else's problems from his mind. He needed to focus on_ his_ problem. But still, it tied to Kougaiji's problem, with something like a shadow creeping into his heart, a feeling that _his_ problem would have a much more horrible outcome, and it would come soon.

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------Yeah, I know I promised it to be better and longer, but then I had to go back and re-write it. I know it sucks now, but by the time we hit the end you'll all love me! And I know that Kougaiji's not the mopey-goth-sappy-giveuphope, kinda guy, but you HAVE to wait until the next chappy to complain to me! You will see the light of my story's day! Ok, yeah, I'm having issues right now- I admit it! But I've been busy drawing up a dojinshi for Journey to his Heart (which I did not write- she's waaaaay better than me), and I just started making Goku's costume for this convention I'm going to- and the fact that I live with my mom(who's a truck driver and therefore lives in a semi-truck), doesn't help. My sewing machine's a piece of junk and my hand stitching looks like a two year old super glued a screwed up spool of thread on fabric. Yet I can't help feeling guilty for not getting this out sooner (as I finished it last week). So, at the end of my worthless rant, I now grovel on the floor for your forgiveness and swear to Konzeon Bosatsu that I will update before my convention! Please review, it may come out sooner! coughhintcough 


	5. What Happened to Faith?

What happened to faith?

Raven

I don't own Saiyuki, otherwise it would probably wind up being a yaoi NC-17 anime that ADV studios did with the original voice cast (English) still, and I'd kill the animators if they didn't make it look like KazuyaMinekura did it herself. The manga can't get any better than it is! I'd also make them just a tad bit more angsty, cuz I'm depressing and sadistic. Oh, I'd also make Goku 4 inches taller.

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Kougaiji had somehow managed to get back to the castle without breaking down. He managed to enter his mother's prison-like room without letting a single tear slide away. He stared at the empty space where his loving mother had once been frozen. Hot salt water screamed for release behind his eyes, but he clung to them, forced them to stay back, if only for a little while.

-------

Somewhere between lunch and dinner (as was the time system for Goku) they stopped in a dumpy little town that didn't have- well… anything. They stopped in the middle of the street where Hakkai promptly opened the map, and after gazing at it for a while, flipped it over. Everyone was staring at Hakkai, who was peacefully oblivious (or so he seemed), and after what seemed like an eternity, he flipped the map again and said: "According to this map it will be another week before we hit another town. We'll have to ask one of the villagers if we can stay with them." A small smile pressed his strained lips and he fooled no one. Seeing the expressions on everyone else's face, he let out a sigh and in a rather tired voice managed "let's get to it, shall we?" before getting out of jeep with another small sound of exasperation.

Unusual was one way to put it, but this newfound tension was here to stay, and they all knew it. Uncomfortably permanent would be the proper term for it. Unusual was what they saw next. A young girl around ten was kicking a crumpled form on the ground, which twitched sporadically every once in a while, making animalistic sounds similar to death. Gojyo, whose curiosity got the better of him, strided towards the young girl and peered over her shoulder.

Enthralled with her beating, the girl didn't even notice until a hand rested on her shoulder. "Hey kid, what are you--?" His mouth twitched and his cigarette dropped to the street, as red stained the ground, as well as the young girls boots, dress, and hands. She glared at Gojyo with eyes that were ageless, crisp black slicing through the sunset- before she turned on her heel and simply walked off.

Gojyo turned back to the bloody object on the street, and realized that in was a _child._ He tried not to gasp as he knelt down beside the crumpled body. "Kid, are you okay?" Gojyo grasped a torn shoulder and pulled over the child, whose blue sweater hood slid off of crimson hair.

cliff hanger! Ok, maybe not...

The child opened a bruised red eye and stared, just stared, at Gojyo. He opened his mouth, throat contracting painfully. "Its okay kid, don't say anything…" The child must have been about 8, his tiny hands ragged, cloth missing from his clothing, and pieces of dirty flesh literally torn away from his tiny body. Blood pooled around him like a dove in a lake. A knife was embedded in his chest mere millimeters away from his heart, and his eyes screaming with pure, unscathed emotion. "HAKKAI!"

Hakkai had been standing near him, mouth slightly open in shocked horror. At hearing his own name, he snapped out of his trance and knelt down beside Gojyo, reaching out towards the boy. His hand was nearly there, before in a slightly forced breath he said "We need to clean his wounds or they might get infected."

"**_So get some god damned water!_**" Hakkai visibly flinched at this, opening his mouth to retort with what would have either been a scream or a rational comment, but was stopped as Goku wordlessly poured water over the young child's wounds, a blank expression on his face. Sanzo was nowhere to be seen.

After Hakkai had closed the wound, his words were barely above a murmur. "He's alive, but barely. He's lost so much blood; it would be a miracle if he woke up. Ever." Goku's look was just as blank as before, but he looked up as Sanzo came practically sprinting towards them.

"No one will take him, or even look at him."

"So then what the fuck are we supposed to do!" Gojyo shouted in a half panic, eyes wild, almost dilated as he turned his head in vain hope that someone would magically appear and agree to take the mostly-dead child.

There was silence. "We take him with us." The silence turned stunned.

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Dokugakuji flung the door open hard enough for the knobs to break the plaster as it made contact with the wall it joined. "Kou!"

Kougaiji turned, blank pain searing through his empty eyes. He looked at Dokugaku, who nearly collapsed on the floor in a mixture of relief and anger. "What the fuck's going on!" Dokugakuji practically screamed, moving swiftly to try and literally shake some sense into Kougaiji. His eyes suddenly caught sight of a giant empty space where Kougaiji's mother was once sealed. He abruptly stopped shaking his emotionless master and fell down to his knees. "So that's it then? Yaone… Lirin…"

"They're gone now." Kougaiji's blank façade was quickly dissolving and his voice was near breaking. "Stand up." Dokugakuji didn't hesitate to stand up and regain his composure- although his heart was ripping. Again, it was ripping. Always. He was always in a situation like this, why did it have to be this way? Why was h-

"Please, call your weapon." A second later and a sword was there, a living tool of destruction used to preserve life. Ironic isn't it? "Get ready." Slightly puzzled but unwilling to question, he assumed an offensive stance and faced the door. "That's not what I meant."

"Wha!-" Kougaiji was now on one knee, holding Dokugaiji's sword to his own thoat. "What the fuck are you doing! Kou! Kou!" Dokugaku couldn't move, one wrong twitch and he would see his best friends head rolling down the floor- but that look… Kougaiji's eyes were pleading for death, for pain to erase pain, they were begging for mercy that only violence could bring.

"There's nothing left." That was it. Dokugaku did the only thing he could do. With a rough kick, Kougaiji's body landed a few feet away, blood ripping sickeningly from his throat, tears finally released in rivers of indescribable emotion.

* * *

Heh heh, NOW for the cliff hanger! I honestly almost discontinued this story, I must have had the worst writers block that I've ever had! And of course lack of encouragement hint hint didn't help anything. Those of you that did review though, Thank you SO much. It's nice to know that there are at least a couple of people who like it. And so we're now reaching the good part (soon at least). Yes, I'm not afraid of killing off the characters, though if you are a Kougaiji-ikkou fan I wouldn't bite my head off just yet! Keep reading! But I'm not saying he's alive either. And I know it seems as if I have slightly screwed over their personalities, but there are many things I have yet to reveal, including their abnormal behavior. I must also appologize because I keep thinking I've posted a chapter, but then when I happen to finish off another one I'm like: Hey, what about the last chapter? and of course, it's because I didn't upload it like I was supposed to. Gomen!Now, please review before I steal all of your Saiyuki stuff. 


	6. Auth Not

If you really hate author notes, just read the last 2 sentences, k? But I'd really appreciate it if you heard me out- even if it drives you batty listening to my weirdness.

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry! I've been having the queen of all writers' blocks! My inspiration killed itself! It's hanging from a tree in my front yard! DEAD! I reviewed my previous stories, my one shot, previous chaps, ex. So what, you may be asking. Wow, let me tell you, it SUCKS. I am actually a published poet, I've written an autobiography and I started up a new novel the month before last. Somehow, due to my rush of fan fiction craze, it seems that my writing capability has gone into the negatives. I mean, I'm not THAT bad! But apparently, my fan fictions are. And I don't know what's wrong with uploading the documents onto the thing, because suddenly spaces between words go missing and the ending of words either drop off entirely or change. How does that work? Is it my evil computer? Or is the website evil? I don't know these days. Of course, I could blame part of my dry spell on moving (who here hates high school, raise your hand), and another on my reoccurring depression, but then what kind of responsible writer would I be? And did you know that I absolutely _hate it_ when people start stories and don't finish them? I really do! So, I sit here wallowing in my hypocrisy with no way to cure it! Someone help me! My inspiration has melted away, although I sit and worship D Chan and my Saiyuki poster every day (candles and the whole sha-bang), not even my heroes can help me. I have been able to write my conversations between that voice in my head (what did my friend call her… my conscience? ), I can't implant that much psycho- crap into my story yet? I need a fellow fans support! No, actually, I need divine inspiration. Oh gods! (Merciful goddess laughs at my pathetic-ness) So, if you would all please add me to your author alert list, I will try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can (yes, I was finished at one point, but I deleted it in a storm of not-good-enough-anger). Gomenasai!


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